NORTHFIELD, MN— This past Tuesday, the Tuesday Group™ met to discuss the novel Coronavirus pandemic and how Carleton can work to prevent its spread to our campus. After a three-hour conversation between the heads of the college, SHAC staff members, and a couple of guys who are really into apocalyptic fiction, the notorious group released a statement.
“First and foremost,” said President Poskanzer, “it is our priority to keep our campus as healthy and as safe as possible. We must work together to prevent this devastating illness from affecting our community. The Group has decided that our best course of action in this trying time is to continue to play it by ear. Thank you.”
After the meeting adjourned, The Salt reached out to the Group for additional comments. Vice President Rogers responded, “Try washing your hands for a little longer if you can, too.”