TUSCALOOSA, AL—University of Alabama Football Head Coach Nick Saban announced last friday that his team will be leaving the Southeastern Conference to humiliate Carleton in the MIAC.

“We just got bored,” Saban admitted. “We have enough Division I championships, we want some DIII titles now.”

Some Minnesotans have called the move unfair, and criticized the conference for allowing Alabama to join.

MIAC Director Michael Iverson defended the decision: “What difference does it make whether it’s the Tommies or the Crimson Tide winning 87-0?”

When asked how a university with 37,000 students can mesh with a conference of small private colleges, Iverson answered, “Bama will fit right in. Just like St. Thomas and St. John’s, Alabama offers a great education, a passionate student body, and full-ride athletic scholarships to elite football players.”