By: Brynne Diggins NORTHFIELD, MN — Having a campus crush is an essential part of the college experience. You see them around campus, and you blush just thinking about how they are soooo cute! And quirky! And kinda problematic! And smart! And how you two have like 1.75 interests in common! Navigating the ups and…
By: Gaby Tietyen-Mlengana NORTHFIELD, MN — As spring term comes to an end, a plethora of students have submitted their study abroad applications. Students from all over have applied to programs that range from studying French in Paris to politics in Romania. While many students are excited to go abroad, the staggering cost has caused…
By: Paulina Hoong NORTHFIELD, MN — Last Sunday, sophomore Rhine Ramos took her 53rd study break of the day. Ramos pulled out her phone and refreshed the same Facebook feed that she refreshed seven minutes ago. “I already wrote my name and the class title at the top of this essay,” remarked the proud student.…
By: Kate Hoeting NORTHFIELD, MN — Before his 2a, philosophy major Jared Tellem entered the Japanese Garden behind Watson Hall. During the entirety of his stay, he did not smoke a single joint. In 1974, the college built the garden to provide a peaceful space for students to roll fat-ass blunts. But Tallem has discovered that…
By: John Cronin NORTHFIELD, MN — Expressing chagrin at his futon’s persistently fresh condition, graduating senior Jim Potts was overheard yesterday lamenting that the futon failed to get dirty during his time at Carleton. Potts reported that he had purchased the futon expecting it to be a prop for nights of raucous partying, debauched…
By: Paulina Hoong and Caroline Boroughs NORTHFIELD, MN — Admittedly, the tour was brief.
By: Kate Hoeting NORTHFIELD, MN — In celebration of Accepted Students Days, Carleton has released a brochure that boasts the college’s low rapist to woman ratio. According to Admissions spokesman William Blackstone, “It’s important that we keep our rapist-to-woman ratio as low as possible while maintaining our image as a rapist-free campus.” Male rape victims…
