Trump To Deport Everyone But White Male Shooters

    By: Paulina Hoong WASHINGTON, D.C.  – On Friday afternoon, President Trump issued an executive order that will ban everyone in the United States, aside from white male shooters. President Trump said, “We have bad hombres of all genders and races that threaten to our national security. Non-white male shooters commit more crime than…

United States Government Declares Moral Bankruptcy

  By: Noah Scott Goldman WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States federal government has officially declared moral bankruptcy. Since the new Congress and Trump administration took office in January, the national moral debt of the United States has increased by about 2.3 trillion morality units.   “This is obviously a shock to all of us,”…

Trump appoints Kid Rock as Secretary of Music

    By: Gaby Tietyen-Mlengana WASHINGTON, D.C. – Trump’s nomination of Kid Rock as Secretary of Music has caused outrage in Washington. While Trump’s pick is unconventional, the President believes that Kid Rock will “serve to promote rock amongst kids.” Kid Rock, who many forgot even existed, is excited to finally be properly recognized for…

Student Removes Canada Goose Patch from $1000 Jacket to Experience “Middle Class Life”

By: Gaby Tietyen-Mlengana   NORTHFIELD, MN — Mercedes Sinclair, a student at Carleton College, decided she wanted to experience middle class life.   “With all this talk surrounding inequality and the election, I just really thought It was vital for me as an upper-class citizen to understand what it’s like to be middle class.” Sinclair…