According to global correspondents, the United States of America announced “Spring Term, No Rules” last week following the extrajudicial murder of George Floyd.

Although previously limited to a select number of college campuses, “Spring Term, No Rules” has now been invoked by civilians and police all across the United States—though sources confirm the latter group has already been inappropriately using the clause year-round for many decades.

While America did not release a formal schedule of events, “Spring Term, No Rules” is being observed in many ways, including but not limited to:

[Warning: Disturbing Content]

• Murder
• Destroying and looting big businesses
• Destroying and looting small businesses
• Pepper spraying peaceful protestors
• Burning libraries and post offices
• Assaulting a black trans woman
• Blinding journalists with rubber bullets
• Targeting journalists covering protests
• Shoving an old guy onto the pavement
• Tear gassing a crowd for a photo shoot
• Beating business owners with a 2×4
• Sexually assaulting and beating a woman
• Shooting a retired police chief
• Arresting people on their own property

With less than a week left in Spring Term, America is reportedly considering using the military on its own civilians to cap off the celebrations.