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Category Archive: College Life

Thoughtful Professor Increases Coursework to Make Up for Lack of Socializing on Campus

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NORTHFIELD, MN––Despite the nice weather, Carleton’s campus has been noticeably quiet since classes resumed in September. With the […]

‍ October 6, 2020 Carleton Specific, College Life

Undercover “Campus Officer of Leisure” Details Fall-Term Party Plans

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NORTHFIELD, MN—As Carleton plans for 85% of its students to return to campus, the administration admits that they […]

‍ August 12, 2020 Carleton Specific, College Life

Dean Livingston Recommends Drinking Broth to Fight COVID

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NORTHFIELD, MN — In an email last Thursday, Carleton’s Dean of Students, Carolyn Livingston, assured Carleton students and […]

‍ July 25, 2020 Carleton Specific

Lonely Carl Satisfies Urge to Socialize By Calling Hulu Customer Service

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BOULDER, CO — Sophomore David Peterson did not expect a simple call to Hulu customer service to change […]

‍ June 16, 2020 College Life, Outside the Bubble

Amid Fears of Electronic Coronavirus Transmission, Carleton Announces Radical Plan to Deliver Fall Term via USPS

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NORTHFIELD, MN—Depending on where each Carl was calling from, it was a rainy, sunny, overcast, stormy, and partly […]

‍ May 15, 2020 Carleton Specific, College Life

Stevie P Helpfully Clarifies Absolutely Nothing in Recent Email

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‍ May 9, 2020 Carleton Specific, Headline Only

Breaking News! This Year’s Room Draw Only Applies to Dorms in the Carleton Minecraft Server

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–Jordan Fues

‍ May 9, 2020 Carleton Specific, Headline Only, I'm A Dumbass

PDT Carl Won’t Shut Up About Being a PDT Carl

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BAY AREA, CA—The time is 8:30AM CDT, and Carleton students across the globe are tuning into their 1a […]

‍ May 9, 2020 Carleton Specific, College Life

Northfield Removes Streetlights in Quest to become Darkest, Creepiest Place to Walk at Night

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‍ May 9, 2020 Carleton Specific, Headline Only

Carleton Endowment Tanks 20% after Wally Weitz Twitter Tantrum

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OMAHA, NE—The Carleton endowment suffered a 20% drop in trading last Friday after a series of bizarre tweets […]

‍ May 9, 2020 Carleton Specific

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