Poskanzer Drops Bon Appetit in Favor of Dunkaroos to Offset Financial Losses

NORTHFIELD, MN –– In the era of COVID-19, a great number of Carleton’s students sadly did not return to campus this year, which meant hell for the campus’s finances. With fewer students on campus, room and board revenue took a significant hit. In response, President Poskanzer has taken drastic action.

“Due to a lack of liquid assets, the College needs to cinch its belt tighter this year when it comes to budgeting. This metaphor is a most effective segue to our first drastic action.”

The College dropped Bon Appetit, the catering company that has served Carleton for many years, in favor of providing Dunkaroos for student meals. 

For the unacquainted, Dunkaroos were a popular snack food from the ‘90s that featured a set of cookies that could be dipped in a provided frosting/cream/blob-esque dipping sauce. This obscure member of the General Mills stable was discontinued in 2012. However, the sorely missed legend made a comeback on grocery shelves this year in February.

Poskanzer countered detractors in a statement on Tuesday: “Sure, it’s a lot of sugar, but the freshman fifteen always happens in one way or another.”

While some may be appalled that Dunkaroos managed to claw its way out of the ‘90s at all, many more students are simply unaware of the legacy of Dunkaroos. Much to their chagrin, they will soon become very familiar.

– Collin Preves