By: Brynne Diggins
NORTHFIELD, MN — Having a campus crush is an essential part of the college experience. You see them around campus, and you blush just thinking about how they are soooo cute! And quirky! And kinda problematic! And smart! And how you two have like 1.75 interests in common!
Navigating the ups and downs of a campus crush can be difficult, so here are some tips on how to ignore your campus crush’s blatant misogyny, something that many of our campus crushes have in common:
–Plug your ears anytime you see him in Willis or Leighton. These environments might bring out his PoliSci fuckboi tendancies. You don’t need to hear the minute details he’s memorized about the Arab Spring, so put in your ear plugs and stare at his dreamy face!
-Similarly, walk away anytime he starts a sentence off with “I just feel like…” His feelings are probably not pertinent to your private conversation with your friends about women’s voting rights, so saunter away and flash that winning smile at him. He’s so cute! Ugh!
-Does he love it when Brad takes twelve shots but gives you a weird look for taking a single sip of Franzia? Give up alcohol! You don’t want his criticisms about your reasonable drinking choices to ruin your campus crush for you, do you?
-Does he only have male friends? And all the women that know him say he doesn’t respect their opinions or their space? Erase those facts from your mind! Jump up and down and say, “But he’s the only hot guy on campus” three times, and you will never remember the hard truth that your campus crush is trash.
-Is he a mansplainer? Forget everything you’ve ever learned! That way, when your campus cutie happens to explain to you how to blink and breathe, you can learn something new from him and make him feel important and smart, which he totally is!
-Does he take up all of the space in classes, leaning back and spreading his legs out in those tiny personal desks, effectively trapping Brittany into the corner of the classroom? Shrink yourself! As a woman the size of a toothpick, you’ll never have to worry about taking up your cutie’s space.
-Do you hear him interrupt your fellow women in every conversation he’s in? Never speak! That way, he’s sure to never interrupt you and you can still feel warm and fuzzy about him.
Hope these helpful tips keep your infallible love for your problematic campus crush alive!