Report: Student with Writer’s Block just Fucking Dumb

NORTHFIELD, MN – After weeks of speculation, multiple sources have been able to confirm that Carleton Sophomore Andrew Gerend does not, in fact, have writer’s block, but is just fucking dumb.

Having only completed 1 of 8 pages for his History paper, Gerend claims he’s waiting for to creative juices to start flowing, but really he’s just a total brick who can’t string together more than a couple of basic sentences.

“I have an idea what I want to write about, I just can’t figure out how to word it,” Gerend lied, not knowing a single thing about his paper topic. “After I work on some other stuff and eat dinner I’ll come back to it with a fresh mindset” he added, still completely oblivious of his complete stupidity.

–– Marko Jurkovich

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