Goodhue and Rec Center Completely Cut off from Rest of Campus by Goose Army

NORTHFIELD, MN: It has been several days since the geese have seized control of the two bridges connecting Goodhue and the Rec to the rest of campus. Seeing as these are the only routes that have access to the area without having to walk along that weird highway strip, we have no way of determining the current condition of the Rec Center.

One brave young man stormed the goose barricade with a stolen LDC spoon and was summarily lost amongst an incredible cloud of plumage. The school will be holding a ceremony in his honor at the Chapel on December 10th.

Campus Security has advised students to steer clear of the bridges. They are under the impression that geese migrate and therefore will be gone soon. However, those of us educated on the ways of geese know that these menaces stay forever. Carleton students must band together to fight the geese off if we ever wish to access the Rec Center again. Also, to save the Goodhue residents.

–Anika Jones