Look I get it. Just because I’m in a khaki and olive uniform and part of a storied American institution doesn’t mean that I’m granted automatic access to the USO Lounge at Orlando’s sparkling new Randy Savage International Airport. But I’m not just some cub scout. I flew through Tenderfoot, Second class and First class rankings like a marine through Fallujah. I set a troop record for Star and Life scouts and received no fewer than twenty-seven merit badges. And then, on the happiest day of my life, I became an Eagle Scout, the highest honor that can be bestowed on a loyal boy scout.
I’ve served God and my country and I am an EAGLE scout goddamnit and I demand the old lady at this USO counter treat me with the respect my rank entails! My vacation has been immeasurably ruined and the staff at the Orland USO can be looking forward to a very critical Yelp review.