STD Goes Airborne

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Image courtesy of Wikipedia

By: Emma Stewart

DIXON HOUSE, MN—The Carleton administration announced Monday that a new form of Hepatitis B was discovered in Dixon House last week. After becoming overwhelmed a month ago by a simple flu, SHAC felt ill-equipped to deal with a spike in Hepatitis B, and reported an emergency to the Minnesota Department of Health. The Department of Health quickly discovered that only two of the six students with Hep B had been sexually active, and that the only common link between all six was being habitually present at Dixon on Saturday nights. Upon further investigation, they found that the entire house is a hot zone.
“You don’t even have to be aggressively making out someone to be infected. Now that it’s airborne, you could be at risk even if you are only halfheartedly grinding on someone or just breathing in the air,” said Janet Koffin, a spokeswoman from the Minnesota Department of Health.☐

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