Three Sayles Cooks Sacrificed To Ravening Hordes In Annual Post-Spring Concert Tradition

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By: Sarah Leong-Fern

NORTHFIELD, MN Every year at Carleton, hundreds of students participate in traditional rites of spring. They begin by consuming copious amounts of alcohol to decrease their inhibitions. Then, they strategically coordinate the exercise of singing and dancing with a campus-wide shutdown of all dining services so that the appetite of those hundreds of students reaches its peak at around 10:15pm. At that time, they all participate in a rush over the river and to Sayles-Hill Cafe, where three or four cooks are sacrificed to satiate their appetites.

This year was no different. Two Bon Appetit workers were consigned to their fate by the weekly schedule, and two noble student workers had elected to join them.

“I dunno,” gasped one worker during the middle of the hour-long rush. “There’s something morbidly fascinating about getting mauled by students who know that we’re two hundred orders behind but try to argue for free extra sauces anyways. Something so pure about that level of psychopathic behavior.”
The memorial service for the four workers will be held in the Chapel this Sunday at noon.

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