By: Madi Ho

NORTHFIELD, MN — Carleton College announced yesterday morning that those teenage boys from Northfield that are always skateboarding in front of Burton Hall will be given honorary degrees. Honorary degrees from the college are meant to recognize those who have “achieved eminence within their professions or who have rendered distinguished service to society.” The Board of Trustees and the college faculty came to this decision after much thought, deciding that these boys have clearly spent enough time on campus for some of the learning to have “rubbed off on them.”

Past recipients of honorary degrees from Carleton have included distinguished doctors, successful politicians, and Pulitzer Prize-winning authors. President Poskanzer said, “The boys that skateboard on the steps outside of Burton will be a wonderful addition to this impressive list. We all look forward to the Opening Convocation Speech they will give next fall.”