By: Morgan Ross

NORTHFIELD, MN — Shelby Henderson is pissed.

“I found out today that there are multiple styles of spoons at Burton Dining Hall. It was quite possibly the worst day of my life,” reported Ms. Henderson.

The spoons in question are either round or oval. However, both spoons are placed in the same spoon containers.

“I mean, if you’re going to have two types of spoons, at least have different containers that distinguish between the round spoon and the oval spoon,” explained Henderson.

“We did a spoon poll back in the 70s and found that a majority of students enjoyed round spoons for soup,” said Bon App chef and amateur historian Kyle Wagner. “But after we replaced all of our spoons (The Spoon Switch of Seventy-Seven), many students were displeased, because they enjoyed eating peas and corn with oval spoons. Therefore we decided a spoon dichotomy was the way forward.”

Despite this, Henderson filled out a total of 4829 suggestion cards – all about spoons.

“I write about a hundred every day. I’m failing all of my classes, but it’s totally worth it to make a change in my community.”

A Bon Appetit representative reported that the spoons are provided to be helpful, not hurtful.