Trump appoints Kid Rock as Secretary of Music


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By: Gaby Tietyen-Mlengana

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Trump’s nomination of Kid Rock as Secretary of Music has caused outrage in Washington. While Trump’s pick is unconventional, the President believes that Kid Rock will “serve to promote rock amongst kids.”

Kid Rock, who many forgot even existed, is excited to finally be properly recognized for his music.

However, Senate Democrats are wary of Trump’s nomination. Senator Elizabeth Warren has led the crusade against Rock’s appointment. “Mr. Rock is not an appropriate pick for an office that is held in such high esteem. His albums Cocky, Grits Sandwiches for Breakfast, and Devil Without a Cause are blasphemous and not the music of a music secretary,” said Warren.

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer disagrees. “I like that one song ‘Trucker Anthem,’” said Schumer. Democrats are set to filibuster this divisive appointment.

Vice President Mike Pence, who could be the historic tie breaker in yet another one of Trump’s appointments, commented, “I am quite fond of his works such as ‘Blue Jeans and a Rosary’ and ‘Rock and Roll Jesus.’ ” Rock would be the first and only Secretary of Music in history who was arrested after a Waffle House scuffle.

Despite his arrest, Sean Spicer believes that “Kid Rock is the most qualified, and one of the best musicians out there. The Democrats’ unacceptance of this appointment is just yet again another example of their nonwillingness to be cool with stuff. The President just wants to Make America to Rock Again.”