By: Brynne Diggins
NORTHFIELD, MN—We all know the feeling. Sitting in a cafe, staring wistfully out of the window, you glance around to look at the clock and catch an attractive stranger staring at you. This is how music videos from the early 2000s told you romance would start!
However, with the high rates of demonic possession sweeping the nation this fall, everyone needs to exercise caution when approaching attractive strangers. While these hotties could be here to get to know you, they could also be hotties from Hell sent to capture your soul.
Here are some key tips to help your spirit stay safe this fall.
-If his eyes burn like the heat of 10,000 suns, look away. Attractive, non-possessed eyes only burn at rates of up to 3,000 suns.
-If her touch singes your skin, get some ice and back off. Love should only burn metaphorically.
-Double check to make sure that their eyes are red due to their choice to use colored contacts and not a sign of demonic possession.
-If he smells like sulfur (think rotten eggs), don’t chalk it up to his decision to not bathe to keep his hair “healthy” and “strong.” He could be a demon.
-Do you find mysterious rings and stars burned into your wood floors after having her over? Find out if she’s into artisan woodwork, because if she’s not, you need to call an exorcist.