Sustainability Advocates Station Frisbee Throwers to “Destroy the Shins of Any Motherfucker Who Doesn’t Compost Their Sayles Utensils”

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Image courtesy of Wikimedia

By: Sophia Franco

Over the weekend, SOPE announced a radical new initiative in environmental advocacy on campus.

Partnering with Carleton’s six ultimate frisbee teams, the group has pledged to “annihilate every inch of leg from the kneecap down of any fucking prick who doesn’t separate compostables from recycling.”

Their press release outlines a plan to strategically station three to four frisbee throwers around every compost bin in Sayles. All volunteers will follow instructions to “toss on sight” should any student fail to dispose of their utensils in the proper receptacle.

The project proudly claims that it is 100% carbon neutral, relying only on energy sourced from passionate and/ or violent student activists.

When asked whether this program seemed inhumane, SOPE responded “we’ll see who needs shins when everyone has to swim through the Bald Swamp.”

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