By Maddy Schilling

NORTHFIELD, MN—Last Friday, strange, possibly ethereal moaning noises were reported to have been heard near the entrance to Lower Arb.

First-year and self-described “lone wolf” Forrest Walker, who filed the report, said, “Yeah, it was super weird. I was just out taking my midnight stroll when I heard these weird…like…grunts or something. At first I thought it might have just been a couple of wild animals, but after a while, the noises just wouldn’t stop. I was too flustered to contact campus security, so I contacted my colleague in CaSPER (Carleton Society of Paranormal and Extraterrestrial Research). He said it was most likely a purgatory-bound specter: what you normies would call ‘a ghost.’ I was really scared.”

Walker additionally noted that as he approached the source of the noise, he found a “scattered mess of clothes” strewn throughout a pile of bushes.

“That’s when I knew I was in trouble,” Walker stated. “Specters are known to leave behind traces of their victims as a means to warn human beings of their presence. And also the moaning just started getting more intense—I even heard some screams! I just had to bolt right there.”

Senior Jocelyn Kaster, who had been in the Arb that same Friday night with her girlfriend, responded to Walker’s fears by stating, “You know, I think it was just a couple of wild animals.”