By: Sophia Franco

NORTHFIELD, MN—On Thursday evening, Ben Reis, a junior Biology major, made the tough decision to once again push back his impending mental breakdown. Owing his choice to a packed, three lab course load and his involvement in multiple clubs and teams on campus, Reis found that a late Thursday night breakdown just wouldn’t work for him.

“Although I’d love nothing more than to just curl up in the fetal position while bawling my eyes over all the stress that’s been building inside me, I really don’t think it’ll be possible for me to have my mental breakdown tonight as it would conflict with my academic and extracurricular obligations,” Reis gently told himself in the mirror.

It was the twelfth time he’d had to reschedule, as evidenced by the number of times “mental breakdown?” was crossed out on his wall calendar.

Reis released a statement apologizing to his psyche, saying, “I know I missed a really great opportunity to completely lose my shit, and I hope we can find another time to do this.”

The event “mental breakdown???” is now tentatively scheduled for Saturday.