By: Kate Hoeting

NORTHFIELD, MN—After interrupting his professor for the fourth time, first year Cal Michaels began to worry that he was a political science fuckboy. Horrified, Michaels left the class to take a long look at himself in the bathroom mirror.

“I guess my first thought was to recount the poli sci classes I’ve taken,” Michaels said. “Securitizing the Middle East, Quantifying the Arab Spring… and then I thought to myself, ‘Oh God. Is this why all the female poli sci majors hate me?’ ”

Michaels also reports that he prefers quantitative over qualitative methods. But Michaels is not so sure that all this evidence means that he is really a poli sci fuckboy.

“I mean, when I raise my hand I try to talk for  a minimum of 5 minutes. And I always make sure to point out to the class that I know I’m talking too much. I mean, that’s just the courteous thing to do.”

Ultimately, Michaels concluded that he was not a poli sci fuckboy.

“Most poli sci fuckboys don’t have a self-aware bone in their body. I, on the other hand, took a second to wonder if I was a poli sci fuckboy, and that’s good enough.”