SCOTTSDALE, AZ — Two months ago, I was scrolling through Facebook, and noticed a GoFundMe fundraiser that I thought looked promising.

It was for genetically modified tiny giraffes. Like, you know teacup pigs? That, but for giraffes. Anyway, they’re endangered, because they were engineered in a lab in Novosibirsk, and this fundraiser was to help support them.

But, shockingly, the tiny giraffes did not exist, and the $37,000 dollars that I  donated were actually used to fund an underground herring business in Papua New Guinea. Now I’m broke and  the only way to pay for my rent is through this GoFundMe.

Please consider donating to this worthy cause, but only after chipping into our Super Sick Jet Ski Fund, which we still haven’t been able to buy.

–Katie Hawkes