By: Paulina Hoong  

NORTHFIELD, MN – Last Friday, freshman Sam Williams declared that he was “lit” after smoking a joint of oregano. Williams said, “My roommate told me he found some dank ass shit from the upperclassmen across the hall. The guy assured him that it was genuine, 100% oregano – there was nothing mixed in, like parsley, rosemary, or even weed!”

When asked about his first experience smoking, Williams reported feelings of euphoria after hacking up an eighth of his lung. “Do you guys ever think about the universe? The universe is so lit.” Williams continued, “I can’t see the world the same anymore. I was lit.”