Things That Are Less Dry Than LDC Chicken

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By: Sarah Leong-Fern

NORTHFIELD, MN A recent joint study by the FDA and the SHAC found that LDC chicken has reached a new standard of dryness in food, surpassed only by a vacuum. Listed below are several of the items which were discovered to be less dry than LDC chicken:

  • The humor of British people
  • The exact center of Death Valley
  • King Tut at this exact moment
  • When you go to a high-altitude city in Canada in the middle of the winter and your Mom looks at you and is like, “Did you get punched in the mouth?” and you’re like, “Nope, my lips are just dry, which is why I’m bleeding.”
  • The vagina of a person looking at a picture of both presidential candidates standing next to each other
  • St. Olaf’s alcohol policies