Conservative Students Feel Attacked, Build “Alt-Safe Space”

By: Gaby Tietyen-Mlengana


NORTHFIELD, MN – After the election, a wave of terror spread through the United States. President Trump’s inflammatory comments against Muslims, immigrants, Latinos, people of color, and women left many unsure of their future. While the rights of those people have been tested and put through the wringer, one group still feels even more threatened.

Daniel Larquad, a member of the Carleton College Republicans, is terrified. “Yeah, I get that women are losing their rights and people are being deported, but what’s happening to me as a white male is even scarier. I no longer feel at home in my own community because I voted for Trump. It’s just not fair! My feelings of safety and comfort shouldn’t be jeopardized because the person I voted for a man who actively destroys the lives of other people.”

Another student, Student A, even started locking their doors, because of their fear. “I just don’t know what could happen to me or my room. I want to stay safe.” When asked about the millions of people who live in fear every night because of the new waves of deportations, Student A, responded that “they should just get over it”.

Many who identify as Republicans have asked the school to do something in response to their feelings. In response, the school came up with a plan to give these students an alternative-safe space. This state of the art alt-safe space would be equipped with some much-needed necessities, such as 24/7 security, a snack bar, and even a flat screen specifically designated for Fox News,

To make sure that there are only ‘true Republicans,’ each candidate for the safe space  must go through a process of extreme vetting. “Our interrogation is highly rigorous, and to pass it, students should know the right answers to questions ranging from ‘Which president was born in Kenya?’ to ‘Should public schools really be public?’ We’re sure that these questions will easily bar any potential liberals from trying to enter the space, ” said alt-safe space manager Jacobson.

Jacobson wishes that there was no need for the alt-safe space. “I really wish that the rest of the school was more tolerant and accepting of us. I mean I voted for someone who preaches intolerance, but if these liberals were so tolerant they would tolerate my intolerance.”

The alt-safe space is set to open once all the candidates have been fully vetted, around 2025.