By: Noah Scott Goldman
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States federal government has officially declared moral bankruptcy. Since the new Congress and Trump administration took office in January, the national moral debt of the United States has increased by about 2.3 trillion morality units.
“This is obviously a shock to all of us,” said former Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew. “The United States has incurred high moral debt in the past. In fact, when I resigned on January 20th, we still had trillions of morality units in unpaid moral debt left over from slavery, the bombings of Tokyo, Hiroshima, and Nagasaki, and, of course, designing the electoral college.”
“People have always invested in U.S. moral securities because they are seen as safe investments. The U.S. has never gone morally bankrupt like this before. This is going to hurt our credibility.”
At the daily White House press briefing, Press Secretary Spicer reported that “The president has consulted top rating agencies who have given us a AAA rating, and we all know they’ve never been wrong before.”
A reporter from The Salt asked Spicer to comment on whether or not government employees should continue working under a morally bankrupt government.
“The president has never filed for bankruptcy, moral or otherwise,” said Spicer. “In fact, there is no such thing as bankruptcy. I don’t remember any of you bringing up bankruptcy when Obama was president. What is The Salt, anyway? Are you guys even a real news source?”