By: Noah Scott Goldman

NORTHFIELD, MN — The organization Mental Health America has declared May as Mental Health Month. In honor of this important event, The Salt has asked Carleton students how they plan to celebrate it.

“What’s mental health? Is that when you stay up all night reading hundreds of assigned pages to make your mind healthy?”

“I have a tradition. Every year, I celebrate Mental Health Month by continuing to spiral downward. And I wouldn’t be able to do it without the help of Carleton, whose frantic, oppressive atmosphere makes all of this possible.”

“Oh my God, Mental Health Month? That’s the funniest joke I’ve heard in a while! An entire month of mental health at Carleton… The Salt has really stepped up its satire game.”

“I personally celebrate Mental Health Month by not thinking about mental health.”

“I’m going to call my family. After all, it isn’t Mental Health Month unless you pretend everything’s fine.”

“As a student with a neurodevelopmental disorder, my favorite Mental Health Month pastime is watching the college dish out extensions and sympathy to people with mood disorders and not to me. Apparently depression isn’t your fault, but how slowly I process information is somehow mine.”

“I’m celebrating Mental Health Month the way the college celebrates me: by pretending I don’t exist when my mental illness acts up.”

“I’m going to continue participating in anger-fuelled mental health activism. It’s the most sustainable form of activism, because it gets nothing done. What Carleton students really need is a smear campaign against a faceless institutional enemy, not some feel-good cause like ‘improving mental wellness,’ ‘offering support,’ or ‘promoting acceptance.’ ”