NORTHFIELD, MN — For new students, not having a single recognizable mascot can be confusing. Case in point, Carleton first-year Daniel Durstand, who still has no idea what represents the school. 

“At first I thought that it was the Carleton Knights, but then they gave us frisbees with a penguin on them,” he said, missing that our mascot is obviously a cow. “But if it’s the penguin, then what’s with that bust of Schiller?” He continued, “And that’s not even taking into account the various cats and cat statues around campus. Which one is most important? Are all of them named Lyman? How many of them are plotting against us? ”

When asked for a final guess at Carleton’s mascot, Durstand incorrectly said Joseph Lee Heywood, the cashier who gave his life to stop Jesse James from getting into the vault of Northfields first national bank.

Frustrated by the mascotian ambiguity, Durstand is transferring to St. Olaf. “At least now I’m at a school where I know that the mascot is—uhhh…” 

— Lucas Sass