Absolutely unbelievable! The estate of one Mr. Theodor Geisel, AKA Dr. Seuss, has not responded to any one of my dozens of letters asking if “Who Hash” from How the Grinch Stole Christmas is weed! Frankly, I’m astonished by their lack of professionalism. Am I crazy for wanting to know the significance of a mysterious item the titular character steals from a Whoville? You push out a Christmas special about a green recluse who lives in a cave with his dog and dicks around all day, and I’m NOT supposed to ask about a suspicious can? Is it an edible? Is he smoking it? Come on.Here’s what my next letter to those Seuss kids will say:

Just because your stepdad is dead doesn’t mean you can just ignore my correspondences. I’m losing sleep over here about Who Hash, while you punks keep raking in royalties from The Grinch. Give me break.

P.S. What kind of GMO bullshit is ‘Roast Beast’, anyway?