CENTER FOR MATH AND COMPUTING — Over spring break, Information Technology Services removed the eduroam wireless network from campus and announced plans to send the various campus cats between buildings to deliver course materials.

“This new initiative will actually be a boost to productivity,” ITS network administrator Geoff Sanderson announced. “Students are naturally drawn to cats. If their homework, readings, and other materials are delivered by cat, they are much more likely to actually do their readings.”

Additionally, ITS announced that switching to cats has security benefits as well. “Cat logic is inherently random and unpredictable,” Sanderson said. “We’ll be sure to guide the cats so that they eventually reach the right buildings, no matter what path they take or how many birds they find along the way.”

Lyman could not be reached for comment at the time of publication.

-Tate Bosler