Oh my god! It’s so funny that you brought that topic up because it serves as the perfect segue for me to dominate the conversation by talking about my boyfriend. Do you know him? If you do, then I have a great excuse to spend twenty minutes telling a completely out-of-context and unsolicited story about him. If you don’t, then that’s literally crazy you would love him sooooo much! His name is Forgettable. Here’s six facts about a complete stranger that you don’t want to listen to!

It’s honestly such a coincidence that you made a joke that could be tangentially related to literally anyone because I actually have a boyfriend who is a person! This is honestly insane. I mean, what are the odds that you found yourself talking about any subject to someone who is in a committed relationship!

I definitely don’t mean to brag about dating someone, especially because most of my stories heavily imply that he’s a complete fucking douchebag. It’s just a fact I like to bring up now and then because it shows that I’m original and accomplished. Also, since the conversation moved on a minute ago, I think it’s a great time to remind anyone with chronic short-term amnesia that I have a boyfriend! We’re doing really really really okay together. 🙂

-Sophia Franco