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Moodle Reminders Growing Increasingly Ominous

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‍ October 25, 2020 Carleton Specific, College Life, Headline Only

Thoughtful Professor Increases Coursework to Make Up for Lack of Socializing on Campus

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NORTHFIELD, MN––Despite the nice weather, Carleton’s campus has been noticeably quiet since classes resumed in September. With the […]

‍ October 6, 2020 Carleton Specific, College Life

Undercover “Campus Officer of Leisure” Details Fall-Term Party Plans

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NORTHFIELD, MN—As Carleton plans for 85% of its students to return to campus, the administration admits that they […]

‍ August 12, 2020 Carleton Specific, College Life

Dean Livingston Recommends Drinking Broth to Fight COVID

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NORTHFIELD, MN — In an email last Thursday, Carleton’s Dean of Students, Carolyn Livingston, assured Carleton students and […]

‍ July 25, 2020 Carleton Specific

Conservative Cyclist Sick of Being Grouped in with Environmentalists

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SEATTLE, WA—Twenty-seven year old Jebediah Burl isn’t a fan of the “environmentalist” cyclist stereotype. “Just because cycling is […]

‍ June 16, 2020 Outside the Bubble

Legacy of Racial Redlining in America Vanishes After Annie’s Pasta Signals Support for BLM

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BERKELY, CA—Activists were stunned this weekend when pasta brand Annie’s changed their social media profiles to black and […]

‍ June 16, 2020 Outside the Bubble

Lonely Carl Satisfies Urge to Socialize By Calling Hulu Customer Service

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BOULDER, CO — Sophomore David Peterson did not expect a simple call to Hulu customer service to change […]

‍ June 16, 2020 College Life, Outside the Bubble

“Spring Term, No Rules,” America Announces

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According to global correspondents, the United States of America announced “Spring Term, No Rules” last week following the […]

‍ June 5, 2020 Outside the Bubble

New York Times Unveils New Protest-Coverage Dr. Seuss Titles

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‍ June 3, 2020 Outside the Bubble

Struggling to Articulate, Political Science Department Decides to Withhold Opinion for Once

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NORTHFIELD, MN—The Carleton Political Science department waited a week to send an email addressing the George Floyd killing, […]

‍ June 3, 2020 Uncategorized

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